"ton"

When naming our kids Chris and I did not set out to have a system.  We simply went by what we liked.  Lucky for me I got to name Payton all by myself (since I did not meet Chris until she was 2).  I learned picking out names with someone else is oh so much more difficult!

Chris and I did not agree on a single baby name ever and once we were pregnant we still did not agree.  Chirs wanted the name Ashlee for a boy (after a football player but I informed him I did not think our son could get away with it) and I wanted Fletcher, but we could not figure out a middle name.  Then one night Chris woke me up and said, "how about the name Ashton?" and I said OK after all that would be much more fitting for our first son than Ashlee (no offense to any men named Ashlee).  The Christmas after we had Ashton, Chris and I were looking at all of our stockings and realized Payton and Ashton's names matched and decided maybe we only agree on names that end in "ton" and that is how we accidently started the pattern of picking our kids names.   So only from this point forward did we purposely only selected names ending in "ton."

After we had Bryton my dad made a comment that stuck with me.  He said something along the lines of "Each of the kids carries a part of Bryton in their name."  I don't know if he even remembers saying this, but he said they were each named after her, not her named after them.  This gave me chills and caused me to think that just maybe we were nudged along in the way we named our kids by them while they were all together on the other side.  Anyone that attended our sealing in the Salt Lake Temple might recall that the sealer stopped and addressed all of the angels in attendance.  I have always felt that included our future children rejoicing as their parents and oldest sister were sealed together for time and all eternity.

Guilt

After having our first son Chris and I both decided we were done having kids.  We had a girl and a boy.  That was all we needed, or so we thought.  Whenever I saw someone pregnant or a baby I had  no desire to have another.  I just saw awful pain and discomfort (I have scoliosis so I really see burning, intense, unbearable back pain).  Then one day I started to feel guilty remembering the dream about baby Elizabeth.

Over time, the guilt kept getting stronger and stronger.  So Chris and I slowly started to think maybe there is another child, a girl, our Elizabeth.  At this time, we were going through one of the worst financial times in our lives and the economy had just crashed.  But then one day we gave in to the guilt and decided maybe it will take over a year to get pregnant like it took with Ashton; even though we were scared to death of having another child.  What do you know, surprise we got pregnant right away!

Would this baby be our girl?  You probably already know the answer, but there is still one more story to tell that took place before we learned what this child would be.

The Dream

Since my last time post, life has drastically changed and in many sad ways stayed the same.  In May, we were excitedly getting ready to have a new baby in our home.  However, our Heavenly Father had a very different plan.  On May 17, 2015, our Bryton Elizabeth Wintle was born sleeping.   At first I could not write, eat or sleep.  Now I feel ready to share the whole story about having and losing our Bryton.

Bryton's story did not start in 2015 it started over 11 years ago in 2003 when I had a dream of a little girl that was handed to me in a box.  At the time, I was a few months pregnant in 2003.  I had a very vivid dream where I was in a very bright room and was handed a beautiful baby girl in a box.  The box was white with a see through lid.  I could see she was perfect so there was no alarm as to why she was in a box.  I was told her name was Elizabeth.   The dream was so real and vivid.  I told my husband about the dream and about how the baby was handed to be in a box but was perfect.  We both felt that this meant we were having a girl and that her name would be Elizabeth Belle (my husbands favorite princess is Belle).  I even told my mother-in-law about my dream and wrote it down very sure we were having a girl.  Still to this very moment I can remember all of the details of this dream as if I lived it.

Fast forward about a month later to our 20-week ultrasound and imagine our surprise when we are told we are having a boy.  I remember feeling shocked as it just did not feel right.  I remember when we were walking to the car my husband asked if I was ok and I told him it just feels strange that there is a boy inside of me when that dream was all so real.  So we brushed it off and went on to have a handsome baby boy named Ashton that we love greatly never being able to forget the dream and the baby girl named Elizabeth.